


hug me silently

by trendy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, KageHina Week 2020, M/M, Misunderstandings, Third Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, i was being a bit existential again im sorry fawk, i word vomited so hard in the beginning whats going on there..., this fic is brought to you by: hug me silently by hyolyn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24783601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trendy/pseuds/trendy
Summary: "When we see each other tomorrow,let's not say anything.(Just hug, hug, hug me)"Life is unfair. Sometimes love is too. Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou are learning this the hard way.(for kagehina week 2020 day 3)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	hug me silently

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based on the song hug me silently by hyolyn... i highly recommend :)
> 
> also this is kind of all word vomit im sorry

It is objectively known that the earth is balanced on its axis. This balance, this 23.5 degree tilt, is achieved so the earth can properly rotate the sun, time and time again. This balance changes the seasons. The sun offers its light and the earth spins accordingly and the life that teems on the green and blue planet’s surface, is nourished. The planet earth has its own cycle, which in turn makes it possible for the life here to also have their own cycles. There is balance in nature—the circle of life. 

And If there is a balance, everything should be perfect, right? 

_Wrong_. 

If you look closer, you will see that there is evil and injustice woven into every dark corner of this planet—sometimes even in broad daylight. Nothing is ever truly fair. This becomes more apparent as time drags on, as humans evolve. There is so much hatred in the world. Will there ever _truly_ be balance? Will the strong always take advantage of the weak? If that will never change, then what’s the _point_? 

You are human. You are not perfect. You never will be, so why do you try? You are made of soft flesh and compact bones, though easily breakable, decomposable. Your mind is swarmed by fear and doubt, but you carry on. What is it? What is motivating you, what do you _want_? 

Look closer. Past the wicked evils and sinister beings who toy with the lives of the innocent. What do you see? 

There are more people. 

There is a mother and her child and she holds the child tightly, but gently. She presses the child to her heart, sways the child to the low thrumming beat in her chest. She promises to protect this child with her life. 

This is love. 

It comes in many different forms. Not everyone receives it the same way—and this too is unfair. Not everyone has a loving mother, but everyone has the capacity to love and be loved. Humans are creatures of adaptation and they will find love and nurture in other places. 

This is what humans fight for all their lives. For _love_. 

But life is still unfair. Sometimes love is too. 

Look even closer, and you’ll see that there are two boys learning this the hard way. 

They are in their third year of high school. It’s been three weeks since they acknowledged the love between them, the love that’s always been there, and labeled it. Made it official. 

Only three weeks later, and they’re both confused, wondering if maybe that was a mistake. Maybe their love is the kind that should be left alone. Never acted upon. For them, their balance has always been sort of effortless. There were many growing pains along the way, yes, that was inevitable. They aren’t perfect—they aren’t an exception to the rules of life. Of course, they’ve fought before, but now, a fight between the two holds a weight that is heavier, but more than anything it’s _different_. Unfamiliar. It makes them uneasy. 

Because they’ve acknowledged this love, they have expectations about what it’s supposed to be like. 

Now, under the patter of rain and deep crackle of thunder up above, they are lashing out at each other, hurt and angry for reasons they can’t express properly. They can’t find the right words, so they say all the _wrong_ ones. They hurt each other’s feelings. 

They don’t mean to, of course, they don’t. We don’t ever mean to hurt the people we cherish the most, but misunderstandings happen. Feelings get bottled up, swept under the rugs until the other person pulls it out, demanding explanations. _Why are you acting like this lately? Is it me? Did I do something_? And the latter will come to the defensive, not fond of being called out. Not like this. Not when we’re supposed to be perfect. And why aren’t we perfect? _Why isn’t this like I imagined_? 

For Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou, the concept of _relationship_ is brand new. They’ve always slotted together so easily, but now that there’s a label on it—a nine-letter word that’s much scarier than it looks— _boyfriend_ , everything is disparate. Clumsy as they clash again and again, for reasons unknown. 

_I’ve always loved you_ , Tobio thinks, _so why is this so confusing_? He thinks that, but it’s not what he says. What he says is much less of an objective question. He changes the subject of _this_ , to _you_ — _Shouyou, why are_ ** _you_** _so difficult_? And he’s frustrated and disoriented and there are raindrops mixing in with his salty teardrops. He feels angry. Why is he angry? This isn’t even Shouyou’s fault, so why is he yelling at him? 

_I would do anything for you_ , Shouyou is thinking, _So please tell me why you’ve been so distant_. Thinks it. Doesn’t say it. Once again, these emotions are poisonous. Spreading through the veins of the two of them at a rapid speed. Shouyou yells back, _Why are you always so goddamn_ ** _stubborn_**? 

And it doesn’t stop there. They rip into each other, scared and reckless because they don’t know how to fix it. When they fought before, there was always a foreseeable solution, but right now, it doesn’t feel like there is. Not this time. 

“I _hate_ you!” (I’ve never loved someone this much. I’m scared.)

“I’m leaving.” (I feel so safe with you, please don’t let me go.) 

Usually, they walk home together, but today they part ways, both of them teary-eyed and disheartened. Shouyou pedals so hard his legs buzz with an ache when he finally gets home. Tobio runs home in the rain, and with eyes like sky, he cries with the clouds. 

At first, there is anger. Resentment. Shouyou slams his bedroom door shut when he gets inside. His mother exchanges a glance with Natsu, concern shining in both their eyes. Natsu wants to go check on him, but her mother places a hand on her elbow, shaking her head. _I think it’d be better to leave him alone for now_ , she says quietly. 

Shouyou paces his bedroom, mumbling insults that he doesn’t really mean, cursing the likes of Kageyama Tobio, wishing that _moron_ would get struck by _lightning_ on the way home or something— “Ugh!” He groans before falling onto his bed, throat tight from holding in the tears for so long. 

Tobio is having a similar reaction, from miles away. He storms to his room to hide away, even though he doesn’t have to. He’s filled with something bitter as picks his pillows up one by one and throws them around, throat rumbling with rough, infuriated shouts. 

After the rage has settled, there is a hollow sadness that blooms violently in their chests. And _oh_ , how it hurts. To be misunderstood by the one person in the world who gets you the most, who knows you better than you know yourself, is to feel pain unlike any other. 

Shouyou finally lets himself cry, smushes his cheek against the fabric of his pillow, and lets his own tears soak into the cotton. Tobio lays on his bedroom floor, feeling cold in a way that’s scarily familiar. His face is wet again, and this time he can’t find it in him to wipe it dry. 

They can only think of each other. They both have homework to do, but their bodies have become sluggish and their thoughts are too scattered to find a focal point for algebraic expressions. 

They’ve said so many things they didn’t mean. Let words fall too carelessly, too packed with harsh punctuation to sound like mistakes. Love is like this too. Meaningful and meaningless all at once. Words that aren’t true, but cut so deeply anyway. 

They both think, _how can he forgive me after this_? They both sob the words, _my fault, it’s my fault_ , over and over like a broken record, doomed to repeat itself until someone turns off the vinyl player. Until someone closes the distance, owns up, and says sorry. 

Shouyou tries. He types a message into his phone, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he squints through tear blurred eyes at the text onscreen.

_I’m sorry._

_I’m sorr_

_I’m s_

He deletes it every time. It doesn’t feel like enough. It feels like the wrong thing to say. 

Tobio’s finger hovers over the call button for five minutes before he turns his phone off altogether. What would he even say to him if he answered? 

For Tobio and Shouyou, love is not conventional. It never has been. Love for them has never been the typical cliche of love letters and chocolates and confessions, so how would they be able to solve this with a typical apology? It doesn’t suit them. 

Love comes in many different forms. 

( _I’m here!_ ) 

( _As long as I’m here, you’re invincible._ )

Maybe the reason they’ve run themselves into the dirt like this is that they’ve tried too hard to arrange the pieces in an unfamiliar way—in the way that everyone else does it. It leaves them perplexed and exhausted when they try to fit in spaces they were never meant to be. 

The idea of love is more dangerous than love itself. Love for them has always been simple. Mix in the idea of what love is _supposed_ to look like, and suddenly there’s insecurity and doubt and anger. In truth, they aren’t _always_ perfectly balanced, but in the end, they understand each other. And like the seasons, they too will change, but the way they love each other won’t. That’s what it comes down to. 

They don’t need to apologize over the phone. They already know. 

_I won’t overthink it anymore,_ Shouyou is saying to himself. He trusts that Tobio has reached the same conclusion. 

(He has.) 

The next morning, they are facing each other, bundled up in sweaters as a cool breeze brushes past their ears. Shouyou stands opposite of Tobio, eyes warm and intense as he stares into cool and comforting deep, deep blue. Tobio has always been cool, but never icy. Shouyou has always been warm, but never overbearing. 

They are not perfect people, but they are perfect for each other. 

They _know_ this, so they don’t say anything. They don’t have to. 

Their feet move at the same time, racing towards one another. Shouyou’s arms snake around Tobio’s middle, and he tugs at the stretchy material of his sweater, pulling him closer, closer, _closer_. Tobio’s mouth settles in Shouyou’s hair, and he presses a long kiss there, then to his forehead, before resting his chin atop his head and squeezing at his shoulder blades. He traces circles into the small of his back while Shouyou presses his nose to Tobio's chest. 

They both sigh, happy now that they’re back here, together.

(I love you)

(I know, I’ve always known)

There aren’t enough words to describe this feeling, so they don’t use any. They just hug and hug until everything feels okay again. 

( _And the earth spins only for its sun._ )

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) 
> 
> come yell @ me on twt pspspsps @shukuens


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